I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
