I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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