My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
