did you get engaged???
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
