Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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