I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
