I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
This is classic penis vs brain.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize
