the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
