Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
