i don't like sucking hair
my being single is dangerous.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
