Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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