Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
