I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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