i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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