toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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