His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
