he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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