I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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