she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
