I could make wine with my vomit
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
