New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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