I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
