the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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