Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
