So drunk its hurt
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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