i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
