I'm really into asian looking animals
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Randomize
