I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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