She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
