my vag is so smooth its legendary
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.�
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
