can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
