**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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