I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Randomize
