the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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