So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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