highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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