You work out of a Hotel?
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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