The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
