yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
