Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
