Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
