I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
