he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
