he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Randomize
