im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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