i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
