I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
