and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
my liver is dry heaving
Randomize
