Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
