You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
