Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
